When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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