I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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