So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
