I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
