She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
