I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
