Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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