Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
