Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
