I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
