so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
