I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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