seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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