His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
