sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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