i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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