she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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