My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
