I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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