you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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