I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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