Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Randomize
