I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
