alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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