theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
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this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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