So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
