You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize