Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
