Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
