so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
