What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
