The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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