My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
