i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have fence marks all over my body
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
