WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
