the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
