Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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