I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
