matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
