Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
