How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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