I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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