Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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