You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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