I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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