goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
