: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
