that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
