Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
