I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
