Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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