weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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