I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
