WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
