So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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