Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize