God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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