I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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