I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
