did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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