you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
