if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize