I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
