I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't deserve a penis
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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