So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
